Junk Mail

Albert had worked with Juanita in the same envelope factory for 8 years and had only decided in the last 6 months that he was in love with her. They worked in different sections of the factory and in all those years Albert had barely said ten words to her. For months Albert dithered on how he would declare his love to her. Eventually one Friday, frustrated, he decided he would write her an email. Albert spent all of that day crafting the email, spending two hours alone on the subject header, until it became, what can neutrally be described, as the most devastating love email ever composed. Unfortunately, when Albert hit the send button the email went not to Juanita’s inbox but to her spam folder. It seemed that the language of love was identical to the language of junk mail in the eyes of the factory’s spam filter. Albert waited patiently for two weeks for a reply before committing suicide. Before doing so, he wrote Juanita a suicide note and then popped it into a postbox. Upon receiving it, Juanita, sick to death of dealing with envelopes all day, tossed it into the bin.